Am I ready?

I went to a beautiful wedding reception yesterday. It was really nice.

While I was there I started thinking about my own future. I want to get married in the temple. I have always wanted to. Even when I was in primary, I remember wanting it for myself. I'm kinda young to be thinking about getting married....but I also remember being too young to be worrying about driving. Those years came very quickly. Anyway, this school year is coming to a close.

Half of me is dying to get out of high school. I want to live on my own. I want to start working on my missionary papers. I want to serve a mission.

The other half is a little worried. As I look back at my last three years, I have done many great things...but I still make stupid mistakes. I still drop below my goals. I thought that by the time I graduated from high school I would have grown up so much. I feel like I have grown up a lot...but at the same time I still feel like the little boy who makes mistakes and disappoints his parents and peers. I had really awesome older brothers who were great examples to me. I wish I could be more like them sometimes. It always seems like they are at the top. Being the best of the best. I know that they aren't but I am always so impressed by them. It's a little hard following them. They are amazing men...and I'm ....less amazing I guess is the best way to put it.

I hope that I can get to a point in my life where I never have to disappoint anyone... I probably will never reach that point in my life. I don't think anyone eccentric does. But I hate disappointing people. If I were to pick my biggest fear, it would probably be disappointing people.

That's why I sometimes ask myself if I'm ready to graduate. I didn't realize how hard it is to leave home. It worries me a little....but I have a plan ahead of me. I know that my life is riding down the path it's supposed to. I just need to trust that He's up there with the plan and that he knows what he's doing. I might not always like where I'm going, but I know that things will work out the way they are supposed to.